I like to recall a diverse pool of women, known and unknown. And all of them give me a sacred kind of guidance when I am not feeling myself, my circumstances or my Alafia…for the newbies here, Alafia means peaceful.
Amy Winehouse was a singer I respected for her own beautiful disaster, gone too soon. So the title of one of her hit tracks got me thinking. How long will I stay flattened? How can I let life kick the ass of this warriorwoman?! Why can’t I write what is torturing me? Why was my mission seeming to turn on me? Why am I planning, working, unplugging, loving, but still lost?
I needed to go Back to Black.
So since my SpiritWalk Egypt Tour was cancelled in March, I have grieved for the loss of that and so much more. I have had family join the Ancestors, left one country full of love (still Egyptian AF), took a break from teaching (labor + love), ran toward my actual Love and came on home. Once here, I saw how much things and people–self included, who once brought comfort–have changed.
I believe that I owe excellence to my Creator, the Ancestors, my small but mighty family, my circle of queens, my students (all students really), and myself. Excellence, authenticity and motivation are required to thrive on and in my journey. When I look at the circle of Queens around me, I immediately know I have no excuse. Even the bitterest of experiences should mean so little. I am blessed and can not in good conscience be anything but grateful and grounded. Sometimes I forget. Ahhhh, but the Queens. They are family and friends. They are older and younger, near and far. Some are colleagues, others online and not yet seen in the flesh.
Magnanimously, they support me often when I least expect it. Well, that’s what I have found in my half century of loving, living and learning the true commands of the soul. Queens show up, just when your crown is slipping off. They loan you their strength with soft suggestions, reminders of who you are, belly laughs, future forward collaboration, questions of depth, understanding and relevance. They cook deliciously and pour prosecco. They text or come ready to plot then keekee. They know you need a plan and a laugh break from the challenging time. All the things that Queens do for a queendom–upgrade, clean, make home, polish, lead, love, plan, execute, wipe tears, fight, forgive, get pretty and Keep Shining.
The soul is ethereal evidence. It is our essence. The selector of parents and governor of every experience since. For me, “Back to Black” is not the Winehouse way. It is back to the sweet center of self. Removing any disquiet from a soul strangled by chaos. There is a powerful change on the planet. But there is also a global undercurrent of fear, loss, struggling toward rejuvenation. Some are surviving after the loss of family, balancing health and wealth issues, conspicuously coping or creatively collaborating. With everything and everyone socially distant, but cyber close~this is not the life any of us chose.
The struggle is real. But alas here, we are. Give Thanks, we are here.
In 2020, a hug is a revolutionary act of love. And a simple smile that used to brighten days has to be gleaned from crinkly eyes above a mask. Suffice it to say, ‘shit done changed’. So we gotta get committed to the higher path, the strongest and best of ourselves. I know my prayers for folks without digital jobs or dying for justice have increased. I am not alone in that quiet solidarity. We are not missing feeling inadequate. We are good without rush hour traffic. Not needing to run every single errand til we are dog tired, irritable or eating crap on the go. Many are leaning toward an appreciation of working from home, sacred economics and being your own boss.
But in ten months of the viral pandemic, fear/apathy and deceptive misinformation, the quarantine can not fix it all. Vast proportions sometimes tank your best thinking, smartest spending or flatten the best laid plans. And regardless of your personal SpiritWalk, there are times when nothing seems to soothe. When you may feel mentally weak or spiritually fragile. Force the courage to seek help. Tell your fear or embarrassment to STFU. Poised, there is stillness that liberates. There is power in honesty, and honor in vulnerability. Registering gratitude that may even feel fraudulent for the things that dragged you low, but Trust, you will come out of the fog. Once in process you can uncover your own back to beautiful, powerful Black. Yes, chile, Black…nurturing, full on swag, absorbs light and all the colors therein: Back To Black.
Move away from anything that does not serve your highest good. Recognize when your wants are undervaluing your needs. Change without apologies. So after a long time of linguistic inconsistency here (yup, I flaked and fell off!); I am back. I am back to tell my stories. I hope to inspire and educate others with each entry. I plan on widening the network of Queens and reminding all of us–gender inclusive–that we are royalty. We are one. We are human. We are all we have and the only time is NOW.
Don’t forget, only love is real. Your soul is where the real you & undying happiness resides. Circumstance be damned. Joy is your birthright. Peace, prosperity and progress, are your duty–to which you are badass enough to be inextricably bound. No matter how you feel, respect each soul’s right tot their unique journey. Join me, as I go Back to Black.